I just need to release
*deep sigh*
Let me start by saying I am not nor have a ever been a man hating type female. I love guys no matter how messed up majority of you are…
Now that I have that out of the way I just feel the need to vent about how absolutely EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED I am ! I’ve dealt with abuse mentally, physically, emotionally and survived it. I’ve dealt with a miscarriage, major depression, suicidal thoughts and survived it. I’ve even dealt with settling for less than what I deserve and having my life threatened DAILY, but one thing I refuse to ever deal with again is being lied to..
You ever have so many guards up that you began to get comfortable alone? Ever felt comfort in just being happy with yourself? Ever vision yourself never getting married, having children, and being happy with that cat/puppy? Well I have and I was perfectly fine with how my lonely, uneventful, boring, CELIBATE, life was until this guy came. We weren’t a couple, but foolishly I slowly allow my guarded walls to come down. I then begin to show emotions that I never thought I would feel again, and from what I was told it was mutual….
My moma always told me “everything that glitters ain’t gold, and you can’t keep up a mask too long after Halloween”. I use to be so confused about that Halloween statement until I realized the front that was being tossed right in front of my very eyes (here we go again right?) WRONG ! I refuse to be lied to again, refuse to settle for second best, refuse to allow a man to emotionally leave me empty again, and I refuse to let down my guard…
I know it’s not fair to the next man to pay for what the ex man did, but I love too hard too fast to just open up to anyone again. I don’t think I can take another heart break, so goodbye LOVE we’ve had good times but unfortunately the bad times outweighed the good..
I’ll never say never but I doubt I will open my heart to another person again… *sighs and wipes tears* only God knows.. :’(
